Friday, April 11, 2008

TGIF BeeRoundup Cavalcade of suds!

It's been a beery beery busy week in beer news, so let's get right to it...

The economy is sucktastic all over. Houses are worth less than the cardboard box Billy the Bum is sleeping in under the overpass. Jobs are evaporating faster than bottles of Russian River oak-aged beer, and gas prices continue to break record highs quicker than I can down a pint of German hefe.

But now freshman Democratic Assemblyman Jim Beall (from San Jose) wants to raise the beer tax by $1.80 per six-pack. A FRIGGIN SIX PACK! That breaks down to 30 cents per can or bottle. Right now California's tax is 2 cents per can. Lemme whip out my calculator... Holy Horrific Hops! That's an increase of roughly 1,400%!!!! The tax would generate $2 billion a year to fund an assortment of politically correct goodness.

Here's the kicker, straight from this retarded baboons' mouth: "The people who use alcohol should pay for part of the cost to society, just like we've accepted that concept with tobacco," Beall said.

Uh, Beally Boy... what cost? Last I checked there's no such thing as second hand beer head sniffing. And don't get me started on the so called "standards" of drunk driving. The ONLY reason we've "accepted" anything in regards to tobacco is that 1) it's been proven to cause cancer, and 2) second hand smoke from tobacco products has been proven to cause cancer. Last I checked, nothing about beer causes cancer. You're kidding me with this kind of "logic," right? How did you get into office again?

Tell ya what... zip your lip, crawl back into the cave with the rest of your "professional" political bed mates - and SHUT UP! Only come out when you've grown a pair and have been blessed with common sense.

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Corona Beer suffers US sales decline.

Well, that's because Corona "beer" suffers from not having any taste. I'm serious! Hey, I used to love the stuff... before I became baptized in the ways of craft beery goodness.

A few weeks ago Fran and I went to a local (great) Mexican food place. And when you're eating food from a foreign land nothing goes better with it then a tasty adult beverage from that same region. Pacifico, Sol, Corona, etc. It's like having sushi and wanting to have a Sapporo or Asahi to wash down the tasty lil sea morsels. Well, I guzzled a Corona and swore I was drinking colored water. I tried a Sol and Pacifico too, and they were only lightly more flavorful. Much like comparing different varieties of bottled water.

Since The Beerevolution it's no surprise that last year the Mexico City-based Modelo shipped 1.7% less Corona to the U.S. than the previous year. With the economy in the mash tun sales have declined a whopping 5.9% through February 23.

The good news? This hurts Anheuser-Busch, which owns about half of Grupo Modelo. So sorry Charlie!

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It it getting hot in here?

According to some guys that are way smarter then I am over in New Zealand, global warming is going to cause a decline in the production of malting barley in parts of New Zealand and Australia. Malting barley is a pretty key ingredient of beer. This will create a domino effect and cause the already rising cost of beer to skyrocket. For in the coming decades the steady climate change will hamper barley production - especially in Australia.

So we got the worldwide hop shortage, all the other sad things I rambled on about above, and now we have global warming killing barley. Yup, the end is surely near.

Would someone turn down the damn thermostats already! I need a beer.

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Speaking of... I'll be having several this weekend at the 6th Annual Boulder Strong Ale Festival. My loving wife arranged this trip for my birthday. Is she great or what?! It starts tonight, but we're not going until tomorrow's session. If you're up that way, swing on by Harpo's Sports Grill and toss a few back with us. The Saturday session starts at Noon and runs till 6pm. Cost (at the door only) is $25 per person, but that includes a 16oz. commemorative glass and 16 drink tickets (2oz Pours). These are big beers, everything is above 8%, so it won't take but a few of these bad boys!

1 comment:

Chipper (Dave) said...

Eli - you're famous! I saw the Denver Post article about the Boulder Strong Ale Fest and you were mentioned in it along with your picture! I posted it up on the Aleuminati in the Mountain Time Zone group area. Grats man. Sounds like I really missed out on a great Fest.