Once, twice, three times a zombie... drink the undead!

Since this blog has been renamed "Confessions of a Zombie Killer" here are two more things that happened since yesterday's article. How ridiculous is it that I have to update the update?!

First, more news regarding the melodrama surrounding the exorcism of TWD's writing staff. According to Robert Kirkman (in an article posted on MTV), the co-creator of the original TWD comic book series, and a writer and executive producer on AMC's show:

"It's kind of unfortunate that it's being reported that our writing staff has been fired because that's not the case," he said. "It makes Frank look bad. I don't think Frank wants it out there that he's just firing people off of a successful show seemingly for no reason. Chic Eglee is a high-level television writer," said Kirkman. "He was brought onto 'The Walking Dead' with the idea that Frank was going to work on the first season and then go off and do movies. Chic didn't want to be second-in-command on a show when he's used to being a top dog, and so he decided to go off and do something else, which is something that happens and is not a big deal. Everybody knows what they're doing," he added. "AMC has done a few television shows before, and Frank Darabont is a professional. Whatever is decided, I don't think it will affect the show one way or another."

Let's hope not.

So yesterday afternoon I received an Email from the President of 3 Point Entertainment letting me know their subsidiary company (Tavencraft) was offering a new line of high-end beer steins. Tavencraft makes gorgeous, ultra-cool drinking wessels for properties like World of Warcraft, Marvel Comics, The Hobbit, Warhammer Online, and now... The Walking Dead.   They also happen to be expensive.

But yes, now you can drink Rogue Dead Guy and Left Hand Wake Up Dead as they were meant to be drank... out of appropriately etched undead pints and steins!

The steins hold 25 ounces of beery goodness, while the pint glasses hold... wait for it - a pint. There are four different designs available for each style. You can buy each of the four steins individually (for 30 bones a pop) or all four in a set (for $100).  Oddly, you can't buy any of the four pint glasses individually, or in a four-pack set. They're only available in sets of two (as seen above) for $30 each. 

I often like to smoke a fine cigar when I'm drinking a fine craft beer.  Lighters are to cigars as openers are to beer bottles.  Ya need some caveman fire to light a stoggie so why not use a lighter etched with zombies?!   Now you can, cuz Tavencraft is lighting up the night with a line of TWD zombie lighters too.

Each of the lighters above can be purchased for $20, or in a four-pack for $60.   Any one of these items would make the lover of the undead in your life happy as a... well, zombie.

Zivjeli!

Waking Up Dead

Here's another first... I've never done a followup or update to a Brewvie Review, but two different things occurred in the last few days that I felt needs mentioning.

First, Deadline Hollywood reported that Frank Darabont has let go of the entire writing staff of The Walking Dead, which includes writing executive producer Charles "Chic" Eglee and Glen Mazzara, who penned last Sunday's episode, "Wildfire" (a great episode!).  Instead, Darabont wants to go with freelancers for Season 2's scripts.  That can't be a good thing.  It's hard enough for shows to make it, but sabotage from the inside?  Darabont may have just become one of those dumbass TV execs I talked about in my previous post.  That, or he's turned into a brain dead zombie. Not sure which.

Secondly, I found an alternative beer to suck while watching TWD!  If you recall I originally gave the nod to Rouge's Dead Guy, which is still a great and perfectly appropriate beer mind you.  However, Left Hand Brewing Company out of Longmont, Colorado, just announced they'll be releasing a beer called Wake Up Dead!  How freakin' fitting is THAT?!  I KNOW!  This 10.2% ABV barrel-aged Russian Imperial Stout sits in Heaven Hill brandy barrels for 12 months before being blended into what can only be described as "woody perfection."  There will be hints of raisins, cherry, licorice, toffee and earthy, herbal hop notes.  Moooooooooney!

 

Zivjeli!

The Brewvie Review: The Walking Dead

This will be the first Brewvie Review of a TV series, but it had to be done. And now that I've done it once, expect me to do it for some of the other shows the wife and I plop down to watch during the week.

But I'll start off with AMC's The Walking Dead, a startling good adult take on a post-apocalyptic world filled with zombies.

Waking up in an empty hospital after weeks in a coma, County Sheriff Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) finds himself utterly alone. The world as he knows it is gone, ravaged by a zombie epidemic. The Walking Dead tells the story of the weeks and months that follow after the apocalypse.

After watching the first five episodes (of the initial 6-episode run), I can say that it's the best new show on television. Period.  Apparently millions of viewers agree as the first episode (which aired on Halloween night) was the highest rated cable show ever for those in the 18 - 49 age bracket.  Fran even loves it!  A total of 5.5 million viewers watched Sunday's episode, which is 15% more then the crowd that watched the fourth episode. The season finale airs this coming Sunday, but if you missed the Dead Wagon the first time around... don't fret. AMC will be airing all five previous episodes marathon-style before the finale on Sunday.  Check your local listings for the time.


TWD is based on Robert Kirkman's comic book series of the same name.  The television adaptation is written and executive produced by three-time Academy Award-nominee Frank Darabont - he of the great Steven King versions of The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Mist. Kirkman is executive producing with Darabont, Gale Anne Hurd (The Terminator, Aliens), David Alpert, and Charles "Chic" Eglee (Dexter). So there's a bona fide kick ass creative team behind this show.

With zombies comes gore. It's a necessity. Much like malt and hops are a necessity to make beer. The great thing about this particular show is that they don't do gore for the sake of doing gore. There are some heinous scenes to be sure, but the series isn't about killing zombies in the most grotesque splatterirific way possible... it's about the living, breathing humans left behind in the aftermath of the apocalypse.  It's brilliantly executed and at times emotionally draining.


Sadly, AMC only half-heartedly bet on the success of TWD.  They're no doubt kicking themselves in the arse right about now for not at least doubling down and going for 12 or 13 episodes in the first season. Ratings for this zombie-fest continue to climb faster then the national debt and only a few weeks after the premiere episode AMC ordered an additional 13 episodes. TWD is such a hit that Fox International Channels also renewed the series after record-breaking premiere ratings in over 120 countries.

Aaaah, but there's a twist.  It's uncertain as to when those next 13 episodes will be ready for public consumption.   While AMC has not officially announced when the next season will go into production, rumors persist that it won't air until October of 2011 to coincide with AMC's annual Fearfest.

A word of advice to AMC:  this would not only suck badly, but would also be a very, very, very bad idea.

We all know that TV executives are, well... idiots. Every year they repeatedly prove to the viewing public that they have zero clue as to what we the people actually like to watch.  Let me reiterate that. The people I'm referring to are not the same sheeple who watch "reality" shows like Dancing with the D-List Has Beens, Sing for Your Supper Suckah, or The Hardashians.  In many ways TV execs are like politicians really.  So waiting an entire year to get new episodes of  The Walking Dead on the air would kill (pardon the pun) the incredible support - hell, let's call it a world-wide phenomena - this show has managed to garner in such a short time. And any exec at AMC who thinks differently should be forced to take a bullet to the head. Cuz everyone knows the only way to kill a zombie, politician, or TV exec is to put a bullet through their brain pan. 

Besides being a great show, there's a lot of interesting social networking going on around TWD as well.  The website is replete with behind the scenes pictures and video interviews with producers and actors. Games, contests and smart phone apps are also available. There's even a Facebook page, a blog and a podcast. Oh, but it doesn't stop there!  There are Twitter accounts for not just the show itself (http://twitter.com/WalkingDead_AMC), but many of the main characters (i.e., Sheriff Rick Grimes, Lori Grimes, Andrea, Glenn, Merle, Zombies, etc.) are tweeting as though they are really alive in a post-zombie apocalyptic world.  It's pretty damn neat!  You can see the list of TWD twitterers here.

With all that said... The Walking Dead gets a resounding FIVE BASHES TO THE HEAD!

Brew Suggestion for TWD

Much like Highlander "there can be only one."  And that one is Dead Guy Ale from the Rogue Brewery in Newport, Oregon.  Could there be any beer more appropriate?  No. 

There's an interesting back story to how Dead Guy was born.  The logo was created as a tap sticker to celebrate the Mayan Day of the Dead for Casa U Betcha in nearby Portland, Oregon. The design proved to be so popular that Rogue decided to make it the label for their Maierbock ale.

Today, Dead Guy Ale is a German style Maibock that weighs in at a very respectable 6.6% ABV, and contains 40 International Bittering Units that gives it just enough hop kick to the head.

Dead Guy is made from malts with exotic names like Northwest Harrington, Klages, Maier Munich and Carastan - all of which could be places full of zombies. Perle and Saaz hops are added, along with yeast named after my favorite video game growing up as a child (Pacman).  It's all brewed up in nothing but free range coastal water.  Free range coastal water... get it?

Now that you know about the coolest new show on the Boob Tube, be sure to "Spread the Dead," cuz "The Dead has Spread!"

The Brewvie Review: Kick-Ass

I had a few "free" minutes so I thought it was time I got my ass in gear and kicked out another Brewvie Review; one I've been promising now for a few weeks. So without further delay...

Kick-Ass

From Netflix: 

Inspired by his love of comic books, high school student Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) decides to transform himself into a masked crime fighter -- a decision that eventually thrusts the teenager into Internet stardom. Soon, Dave's antics inspire a wave of would-be heroes to don costumes and live out their superhero fantasies. Nicolas Cage, Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Chloe Moretz also star in this comic book adaptation from director Matthew Vaughn.

Based on the comic book of the same name by Mark Millar (well known comic writer who won the Stan Lee award at Wizardworld in 2007) and John Romita, Jr. (legendary writer/artist with Marvel since the 1970s). It was directed by Matthew Vaughn (producer for Guy Ritchie films "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels," "Snatch," and directed "Layer Cake," and will direct "X-Men: First Class").  Vaughn co-produced Kick-Ass with THE Brad Pitt.


If you like action or comic book movies, you'll absolutely love Kick-Ass. If you don't like 'em, give this sometimes brutal, funny, offbeat, and highly entertaining take on the comic book hero a try because it's a superhero movie that keeps it real!

As a prelude... this movie is rated "R" for a reason, so it's not for kids of any age. It's a mature, adult themed movie with a great story, witty dialouge and stars Chris Mintz-Plasse ("McLovin" from Superbad) and Nick Cage (Big Daddy).  However, the movie stealer is the innocent looking Chloe Moretz who plays Hit Girl.  HScene stealer and ultimate ass kicker!

This was my rant on Facebook/Netflix immediately after seeing it: 

Holy blood and realism, Comic Book Lovers! Kick-Ass is a GREAT movie. If I could rate it higher then 5, I would. Being the total comic nerd, when I saw the trailers I figured it was going to rock, but this sucker was better then I expected, and I was expecting a lot. Even my wife loved it!  Ya, it's gory in some spots, and some of the scenes are over the top, but man... what a ride! Absolute Must See!

Netflix average score based on 226,216 ratings is 4 stars.  I give it an ass kicking FIVE STARS!

Brew Suggestion for Kick-Ass

I could have gone a few different ways here with the beer choice. For instance, Coney Island's blood red Freaktoberfest would have been a perfect compliment to this sometime bloody flick.  I could have gone the easy route with beers names similarly, such as Kick-Ass Brown from C.H. Evans Brewing Co. in Albany, New York, or Kick Ass Pilsner from Pittsfield Brew Works in Pittsfield, MA (but they're no longer in business).

Instead, I decided to go with a beer that's not only a high alcohol content kick in the ass, but one of my favorite beers on the planet (in wintertime only mind you). That honor goes to the can crushing, bitch slap to the face brew from Oskar Blues (Lyons, Colorado) known as Ten Fidy.  This heroic Imperial Stout weighs in at a whopping 10.5% ABV and is so "hot" it can cauterize an open wound and is so thick and chewy it coagulates blood!  Ten Fidy's utility belt is loaded with 98 IBUs and enormous amounts of two-row malt, chocolate malt, roasted barley, flaked oats and hops.

You want it... Ten Fidy knows you want it.  So get it.  Then hunker down with a copy of Kick-Ass.  The rest as they say... is history!

The Brewvie Review: Avatar

Avatar

Disabled Marine Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) travels to planet Pandora to become an avatar, ingratiate himself with the natives and help Americans mine lucrative unobtainium. But he finds himself in an interstellar conflict after falling for Na'vi warrior Neytiri (Zoe Saldana). James Cameron writes and directs this Golden Globe-winning CGI odyssey that has broken box office records. Sigourney Weaver and Stephen Lang co-star.  - Description from Netflix

I took me 171 days after Avatar was released in theaters to actually see it. I know... a Sci-Fi geek like me taking six months to see one of the best Sci-Fi flicks ever made, right? Shame on me.

All I can say is... James Cameron did it again. Even with all the hype, Oscar nods, and merchandise whoring I was still blown away.  Yes, the special effects make your eyes bleed, but they do so much more.  They create a world that looks and feels real. The effects bring James Cameron's movie to life in a way rarely seen. I've been a SF geek as far back as I can remember and the only other movie that so fully engrossed me into its world as to change my own reality was the original Star Wars movie.  I was 10 at the time, so it's not hard to imagine the impact a movie like that can have on child that age. But for it to happen, at least in part, to a full blown middle aged adult - in this day and age no less... is quite the accomplishment.

Avatar is a movie that you must see, even if you're not a space cadet. The story is poignant on many levels.  Frankly, I don't buy the naysayers - many of whom are clearly out of touch with reality - who claim James Cameron embedded a political statement within his fanciful yarn. Everyone everywhere has to voice their opinion, and technology has given them all a platform to do so.  And even if he did... who cares?  Last time I checked we still lived in America. It's his right. Here's something else... if he did, then his message apparently struck just the right nerve in just the right way. And maybe that's what the naysayser are really terrified of.

In any case... if you haven't seen it, do so.  This epic SF yarn weighs in at just under 3 hours, but it never feels like it. As with all things though, not everyone is going to like it.  In order to fully enjoy this film you have to have an open mind, one capable of simultaneously enjoying sweeping fictional sagas as if you were a child, but mature enough to take away a deeper understanding. You too have to become something of an avatar. 

Avatar gets a perfect score of:

Beer suggestion for Avatar

Avatar Jasmine IPA from Elysian Brewing Company in Seattle, Washington.  This "new incarnation" of an India Pale Ale is the perfect brew to watch this film with. One of the main tenants of Avatar the movie is just how out of touch we "civilized" and "technologically advanced people" have become with nature.  Avatar the beer (6.3% ABV) bridges that gap with a floral nose and flavor that balances the subtleness of jasmine with the I.P.A.'s essential hoppiness. Dried jasmine flowers were added in the boil and hopback, which sounds a lot like something aboriginal people would have once done to a beverage they were making.

The Brewvie Review: The Fourth Kind

In 1977, two movies were released that literally changed cinema. Close Encounters of the Third Kind came out a mere six months after the first Star Wars movie. I was 10 years old at the time.  The fact that CE3K didn't get lost in the hoopla that was Star Wars  is amazing, and it deservedly became a legend in its own right. Fast forward some 32 years and we find that the Third Kind is not the last kind...

SPOILER ALERT!  IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN "The Fourth Kind" YET READ NO FURTHER!

The Fourth Kind

We watched The Fourth Kind recently and after having the crap (almost literally) scarred out of me I decided to use it as a Brewvie Review.  Let me say that I had seen the trailers but had done no further rsearch, so I was under the impression that this was movie in fact based on "real events."

Unfortunately, in this day and age of instant portable knowledge, movies like The Fourth Kind can't succeed like they once could.  Remember the hoopla surrounding The Blair Witch Project? That was released in 1999 - a full 11 years ago, back when the Internet was still in its infancy and wasn't accessible by every single person on the planet carrying Star Trek gizmos. Everyone thought that movie was real.  And for those of you who say: "Didn't scare me." "I never thought it was real."  Quit lying. Most of us can't remember what happened yesterday, don't lie by pretending to think you remember exactly what you were feeling 11 years ago about a movie. You were just as transfixed as the rest of us.

So as I sat there watching The Fourth Kind I was convinced it was actually using "real" archival footage of Dr. Abigail Tyler, a psychologist investing the abductions of a disproportionate number of Nome, Alaska's population.  During her investigation she videotapes sessions with traumatized patients and discovers "some of the most disturbing evidence of alien abduction ever documented."   It looks real.  It feels real.  But it's not real.  I didn't know that it wasn't real while watching the movie, so it worked!  If you knew before hand that it was all fake "real" I'm sure it wouldn't be as effective. It was an entertaining flick and I came away with some interesting tidbits for my ever-in-production novel.

The Fourth Kind gets a score of:

Beer suggestion for TFK




Two things immediately sprang to mind. First, The Flying Saucer Draught Emporium, a string of fantastic beer bars throughout the south/southwest. Rumor has it there's one coming to Colorado.  We'll see.


However, there's really only one clear beer choice that steps up and shouts: "Abduct me!"  I mean, "Drink me!"  The line of UFO Hefeweizen beers from Harpoon Brewery: UFO Hefeweizen, UFO White, UFO Raspberry Hefeweizen, and UFO Pale.  These beers will kidnap your taste buds and never give 'em back.  Plus, they're so incredibly sessionable that you can drink a ton of them. Which might just come in handy because I'm sure aliens don't want to conduct horrifying experiments on beer saturated body parts. Heck, for all we know craft beer might be the equivalent of garlic to vampires... or Kryptonite to Superman.


Until next time... keep the lights on and the beer cold!

The Brewvie Review: Law Abiding Citizen

Gerard Butler is the freakin' man.  Seriously.  He can play funny, with a chauvinistic bent, as he did in the romcom, The Ugly Truth. He can do straight romance as he did in P.S. I Love You. And previews for The Bounty Hunter (staring the hottest Friend of all, Jennifer Aniston) look hilarious too. We know he can act the hell outta action/adventure movies as he did in the kick ass 300, and the overlooked (but should be seen) Beowulf & Grendel. Well, add another righteous flick to his ever growing list of movie stardom credentials.

Law Abiding Citizen
 

Traumatized by the atrocious murders of his wife and daughter -- and the flawed justice system that set the killers free -- Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) gives in to his rage and sets out on a course of vengeance. He soon takes on not only the prosecutor involved in the case, Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx), but also the city of Philadelphia. Director F. Gary Gray's bold crime thriller co-stars Viola Davis and Michael Gambon.

Jesus, Joseph and Mary! Vengeance is an understatement! But this isn't your typical old school, video game indestructo-man wading through waves of enemies with nary a scratch. This flick is Death Wish for a new era, high-tech and smart.

Critics almost universally panned this movie. But then what do they know? Most paid critics: 1) are out of touch with what the viewing public actually likes (kind of like politicians and wine snobs), or 2) don't care what the viewing public actually likes (kind of like politicians and wine snobs). In my personal opinion the only movie critic worth listening to is Joe Bob Briggs.

Interestingly enough, I almost universally don't care what paid movie critics think. As one Average Joe Movie Goer to another... this movie kicked all kinds of ass! LAC is a  guy-flick up there with the likes of Shoot 'Em Up and The Boondock Saints. And here's something you won't here a movie critic say: vigilantism gets a bad rap. Every day we hear how police departments are forced to cut officers and equipment needed to do their jobs (i.e., helicopters, canine units, real guns instead of cap guns, etc.), which in effect makes it impossible for them to actually do their job. Criminals don't play by the rules. Crime fighters shouldn't be handcuffed when fighting crime. So why not get some help from the public? Just like the "cab cops" here in Colorado Springs.  Anywho...

Law Abiding Citizen gets a score of: 

Beer suggestion for LAC

After searching far and wide for just the right beverage to go with this vengeance filled movie I finally found the right culprit - Dirty Justice from Boulder, Colorado's Mountain Sun Brewery. This 9.5% ABV strong Belgian red ale (aged in Merlot barrels with bugs) will hit you right where it counts. Again and again and again. Unfortunately, this is a one-off beer that was made for and poured at the inaugural Boulder Sour Fest - "Pucker up, buttercup" is the slogan for the festival, which makes for an awesome movie hero one liner! - hosted by Avery Brewing Company in late February.  Thus, it's likely impossible to get. Heck, this is so one-off there's not even a label for it!  But with a name like Dirty Justice it just had to be picked. Even if you could get your hands on this thing it'd be only one bottle, so you'll have to make it last.  That's A-OK given the ABV level of this brew, because the intricacies and details to which Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) goes to in this flick to reap vengeance should be followed with a semi-coherent mind.  Since there is no image for this beer I'll leave you with the man who was actually the first actor considered for the role of Snake Plissken in the great movie, Escape from New York...

If you recall I mentioned The Boondock Saints earlier. Up next...  Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day!

The Brewvie Review: Whip It

What do you think of that title?  Brew + movie = brewvie. Get it?  Erik came up with it, and I think it's brilliant. So, is it a  "hellz ya" or "keep trying"?  Either way, don't steal it... it's trademarked.

This week's movie is far different from the "manly man" flick that was Book of Eli.  My friend Terry will likely make fun of me for watching such a movie, but if you keep tabs of my reviews on Facebook you'll know that I'm not afraid to delve into the chick flick pile. Fact is, I often times like them. Not the sappy love stories you might find on Lifetime or Oxygen, but I do like romantic comedies. Something my more "manly" (those are fake air quotations by the way) friends can't quite seem to comprehend. Whatever.

So without further ado... on with the show!

Whip It 

No, not the Devo mega-hit from... oh my gawd, was it really a hit way back in 1980? Geezus. From the Netflix description: "Escaping her smothering mother's (Marcia Gay Harden) beauty pageant plans for her, small-town Texas teen Bliss (Ellen Page, of the great indie flick, Juno) joins an all-girl roller derby team in Austin and begins living a thrilling double life as Babe Ruthless -- a life that might catch up with her. Brew Barrymore makes her directorial debut and plays fellow teammate Smashley Simpson in this smart coming-of-age tale. Kristen Wiig, Juliette Lewis, Eve and Jimmy Fallon co-star."

Yes, that Jimmy Fallon, who plays rink announcer, "Hot Tub" Johnny Rocket. The names of the characters (Babe Ruthless, Smashley Simpson, Maggie Mayhem, Bloody Holly, Iron Maven, etc.) are priceless. This is an indie flick, so there aren't any mind blowing special effects, city-engulfing explosions or high intensity car chases. It's a movie about people in a small town. So if you're only into movies made for the A.D.H.A., and watching actors act isn't your thing... get out of your rut and expand your horizons!

Now, for those of you in the crowd turned off by the "coming-of-age tale" parlance pay particular attention to these words:  all-girl roller derby. So what you have here is some hot, tattooed chicks on roller skates... wearing mini-skirts and fishnets... beating the crap outta each other. What's not to like here people? By the way, woman's roller derby is huge again. If you don't believe me take a look at the websites for the L.A. Derby Dolls, Gotham Girls, Denver Roller Dolls, or our very own Pikes Peak Derby Dames!   

This was a really good flick. Drew Barrymore directs and plays a small role as a stoner, ska-chick who loves to fight. Kristen Wiig of SNL fame is one of the main actors, along with Paige. Fallon really is funny as the ring announcer. The guy on the far right in the above image is Razor, coach for the also pictured Hurl Scouts roller derby team. He's played by Andrew Wilson, the older brother of Luke and Owen Wilson. Who knew they had an older brother!?  He's funny, and of the three brothers... the better actor.

Whip It gets a score of:

Roller derby chicks. Check.  Jimmy Fallon. Check. Hilarity, hi-jinks and hip checks. Check.What more do you need? Oh ya, beer! For this particular pic I've picked a pickled pepper - oops, got carried away there. Sorry.

Beer suggestion for Whip It:

Black & Blue from Dogfish Head

Number of bottles of Black & Blue required to get through this movie: At least 2, possibly 3

Get it?!  This 10% ABV Belgian Golden Ale is a multitasking, multipurpose, high alcohol biznatch! First, it will dull the pain when you bust your ass. What do I mean?  Here's what's going to happen. After watching this movie some guys are going to think they can actually do roller derby... because that's what guys do. So some of you are going to rummage through the pack rat pile of crap you have stashed in the garage, find an old pair of blades or skates, lace 'em up and try to stand up on them. You are going to fall down and bust your ass. Having a bottle of Black & Blue up in you will lessen that pain. Should you get brave - and good - enough to try and roll around the block it will soften those inevitable falls as well.  Be sure to down at least one bottle during the movie.

Secondly, it's got a ton of real, pureed blackberries and blueberries in it so this is a beer your non-beer loving gal (if you're unfortunate enough to have one of those) will actually like. And did I mention it has a high alcohol content? You know what I'm talkin' 'bout! That's right, fist pump. Come on now!  If that bow chicka bow wow plan somehow fails epically there's a backup use for the high ABV. We already know it will dull the pain of the inevitable skate injuries, but it will also dull the "pain" of this chick flick if you just aren't man enough to open your mind to it.  So have another!

Until next time... I'm Eli the Mad Man of Beer telling you to put on your helmet panty and always be ready for a hip check, 'cuz the last thing you want is a giner shiner!  Boooya!

The Brewvie Review: The Book of Eli

eI'm starting a new feature here on Confessions, one that will likely migrate over to Beer Tap TV in some video-ized form in the not too distant future. I wanted to give it a test run here to see what kind of reaction it gets though, so consider this a beta test.  Let me know what ya think, from the title to the format to what/not to include, etc.  Sound good? 

If you follow the movie reviews I post on my Facebook page (via the way cool Netflix review app) you know I like to watch all kinds of movies. Well, I got to thinking... why don't I combine two of my fave things:  movies and craft beer.

For a number of reasons Fran and I don't usually see many films at the theater. I know, it's the only place you can get a dump truck full of that delicious popcorn you can only seem to get at the movies, but you can't get one single beer. And that's a deal breaker for me. Instead we rent movies from Netflix where we can watch from the comfort of our couch, pause the movie when we feel like, get up and use a clean bathroom, grab a brew from the fridge, etc. So it's ironic that the first entry in this new feature will be about a movie we actually saw at the theater a few weeks ago...

The Book of Eli


I went in expecting a lot. For starters, it has my name in the title. Secondly, it's "a post-apocalyptic tale in which a lone man fights his way across America in order to protect a sacred book that holds the secrets to saving humankind." Post-apocalyptic stories come from my favorite genre. Movies, books, comics, video games... if it's about the end of the world, I'm all over it.  

Directed by the Hughes brothers (they of the awesome flick, From Hell, starring Johnny Depp), this movie stars Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis, Ray Stevenson, and Jennifer Beals. Great cast. Well, Eli (Denzel) has been strolling across a destroyed U.S. for some 30 years. He walks tall and carries a very big knife... and a very special book that will supposedly help restore the world. This world is lawless, where people must kill or be killed.  Sounds like one of the Mad Max flicks, right?

Well, it kind of is. And it's also kind of like The Road, a book written four years ago by Cormac McCarthy. Great book, so read it if you haven't. Unfortunately, BoE is too much like The Road. In it a man - along with his son - walk across a a destroyed U.S. searching for something too. It was made into a movie, but only released - in November - to very few theaters.  The limited release was odd considering it has an all-star cast including Viggo Mortensen, Robert Duvall, and Charlize Theron. Anywho...

As much as I wanted to love The Book of Eli, it was merely OK. Perhaps it was the inconsiderate A.D.H.D. addled cell phone user sitting below us, or my bum knee that only hurts when sitting in a theater chair, or the central theme of the movie (which revolves around the book; saying more will give it away), or lack of beer... but I was less than impressed. There are some great action scenes (not enough), and some great character interaction (Oldman always plays a great bad guy), but in the end it was just too slow.

Fran actually enjoyed it more then I did.  However, without giving anything away... there is one potential twist that only reveals itself at the very end. I say "potential" because we're not 100% sure that it occurred. If it's actually there, and not just some figment of our imagination, it will bump this film up a notch. A second viewing will be needed to determine this however, and that will only occur when the Blu-ray  arrives in my mailbox. Until then... on wth the rating. To keep things consitent with my Facebook page I'll be using the 5 star Netflix rating system.

The Book of Eli gets a score of:

Food isn't the only thing craft beer can be paired with. I plan on experimenting with just how far to push that theory. So, along with the movie rating I'll be providing a perfectly paired beer, and how many bottles of said beer it will take to get through said movie.

Beer suggestion for The Book of Eli is: 

Lost Abbey's Judgment Day

For end of the world mayhem nothing quenches a road weary warrior like a 10.5% ABV Belgian brew!  This Quadrupel from Lost Abbey is packed full of malts (Two Row, Wheat, Medium and Dark English Crystal, Special B, Chocolate Malt) and a smack of hops (Challenger and East Kent Golding) that will surely shake the dust from your boots. 


Number of bottles of Judgment Day required to get through this movie: 2

Since this bitchin Belgian will age incredibly well for many years to come (even unto the end of the world), and it tips the scale with a double digit alcohol content, you only really need one. However, you always want to be prepared for when that final day does come. So suck one of these down during the film to ease any bodily pains you might have, or silence the idiot who can't seem to keep his yap shut, and stash the second bottle in a safe place. It will make for a savory trading trinket that will be nothing short of liquid gold in the apocalyptic future.

Until next time... I'm Eli the Mad Man of Beer telling you to believe in hope, and of course... stay frosty!